Saturday, May 17, 2008

Masochism Tango

Guitar lessons have been tough; I feel like I haven't had enough time to practice, and that I haven't progressed fast enough (fast enough for what, smart guy?) and I'm getting a bit frustrated.

So if one feels overwhelmed by what one is doing, and feels pressured by too little time to do it, what's the obvious move? Why, get a second guitar teacher, of course!

That's right, music fans, I now have (count 'em) two people giving me too many lessons to tax my already stressed-out brain and fingers.

Stay tuned for the Pete Townshend finale.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Katie Barre The Door

I have hit my first major guitar stumbling block: barre chords. I've got fairly small (and apparently fairly weak) hands, and they just don't want to stretch to those positions just yet.

My instructor gave me my first song to learn last week - Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone" - and one of the first chords in that sucker is an F#m, which is (you guessed it) a barre chord. It opens with an A, which was new but not too difficult, then an E, which I already knew, then our unpleasant little friend. I've twisted the guitar and my body and my hands, all so far to no avail.

So how to get past this dilemma? I'm thinking ukulele.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Not Ready For Prime Time Player

The guitar practice is moving along nicely. I made a big jump last night, for no apparent reason. Suddenly I could transition between chords fairly well, when just the night before it was quite the chore.

On a completely different note, I took an ITIL certification class and test at work. I passed the test, which means that I'm officially ITIL v3 certified.

I can tell by the thunderous silence how much this means to everyone.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Proto-folkie?

I'm measuring my guitar ability by the number of chords I know compared to standard musical styles. When I knew three chords I was a punk. Now that I know five I'm pre-folk. I'm getting pretty close to knowing all the open chords. (Let's not be mistaken here: I'm using "knowing" in an academic sense. I don't "know" these chords in the sense of being able to reproduce them in anything resembling music.)

Next week I plan on tackling this song.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Guitar lessons - continued

I now know enough chords to officially be in a punk band. My assignment this week was to practice transitioning between the chords I knew, and explore their sonic intricacies (changing volume, changing rhythm, etc).

I even wrote a little song. It's called "I Can't Transition Between These Chords Very Well." It's a work in progress.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Celebrity Obsession

Information overload
Kiss a prince, turn into a toad
Point and stare, hound and goad
Feel all smug when they implode

Google, MySpace, CNN
"Weren't you someone, way back when...?"
Look them up in Facebook, then
Just forget them once again

Britney, Brittany, Carmelo, Wentz
Convicted with no evidence
And they ain't got no defense
Because this whole thing makes no sense

We sit and watch them on tv
And live through them vicariously
Wasting our lives in this lunacy
It all seems such a waste to me


*************************************
I came up with the first two lines of the first stanza while I was sitting at lunch, daydreaming. They seemed to have promise so I ran with it.

The AAAA BBBB rhyme scheme is a little uncommon, but that's how it played out. Sue me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Me and David Gates

Those of you who read my blog with any regularity (both of you) know that I love music. You may even know that one of my regrets is that I never learned to play an instrument.

Well, my friends, I shall eliminate one item from my regret list. This past Sunday, at the urging of my wonderful wife, I bought an acoustic guitar. I've also signed up for lessons.

Given my age and that I've never played before, I know I won't be giving Jimmy Page or Bert Jansch a run for their money, but one hopes that, with some time and struggles, I'll soon be able to scratch out a couple of semi-recognizable tunes.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Saturday in the...

It was a brisk, clear spring morning. Despite the cooperative weather I was filled with trepidation. (It's not as messy as it sounds.) For the first time in ages, I was about to enter
THE MAGIC ZONE

Was I ready? Could I handle it? And did I have my towel?

The lecture was scheduled for 2:30. I was due to meet a friend at 1:45 to carpool. Despite my best intentions I made it on time.

On the drive to the lecture we discussed trivial things: the excess of clover this year, the political race, the possible threat of nuclear war. I think I hid my blind panic well. Besides, he can replace the upholstery in his car, right?

Rick Maue and David London were on the bill that day. I had corresponded with Mr. Maue some years ago so I knew he was a fan of one of my favorite musical artists. I happened to have some memorabilia of said artist, and I gave a piece from my collection to Mr. Maue. (Pronounced "maw" for the uninitiated. If you're initiated, feel free to pronounce it any way you wish.) He seemed to appreciate it.

There were only five attendees at the lecture. There were two reasons for that:
1. a previously scheduled event
2. not enough advance publicity

More on the sparse attendance later.

Mr. London opened the proceedings. He started by saying he rarely did card effects, so naturally he opened with cards. The effect was clean, clear and a stunner. It was in the "twisting the aces" genre but with a couple of kickers. He was on for far too short a time. I liked the effects and bits he taught, but far more than that, I really appreciated the way in which he explained the development of each piece and of his character. He also talked about his act as an organic whole, which was a shock as far as lectures are concerned.

We ("we" being the aforementioned five) asked periodic quesions, and Mr. London would provide detailed answers. He said that even though we were the smallest group yet, we were the most engaged group they had yet seen.

Mr. London only had about 30 minutes (as I said, far too short), then Mr. Maue took the stage. And by "took the stage" I mean commanded the stage. Another thing I appreciated about both gentlemen is that they gave their all despite the meager turnout. Mr. Maue obviously thinks about all facets of his magic - both as a performer and as a teacher - and he is remarkable in both capacities.

I'm really hesitant to describe any of the effects he performed and explained because I don't want to spoil the surprise should any magicians be reading this and get an opportunity to see him. Trust me, he'll fool you. Let me just say this; at one point, after performing one effect and just prior to teaching it, I turned to David London and said in all sincerity, "I don't want to know how it's done." I was sorely tempted to walk out of the room. He had just toasted my brain and that's a feeling to treasure.

After the lecture we all went out to dinner, and had even more of a grand time. It turns out that Mr. Maue and I have very similar musical tastes. (And yes, Rick, I have This Old Road. It's every bit as wonderful as you said it would be. I especially like "Pilgrim's Progress" and "Final Attraction." Have you picked up Jackrabbit Slim yet?)

Both Mr. London and Mr. Maue kept stating that despite the small turnout they were really pleased with the lecture because we were such an engaged, focused audience. It could be that they say that at every lecture stop, but hey, it was nice to hear.

To recap, it was a terrific way to spend a Saturday afternoon. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run off and read some lecture notes.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

And in the end...

So anyway, a couple of times recently I've had these really bad abdominal pains. Both times were similar; the pain was agonizing for 4 - 5 hours, then it gradually diminished until it disappeared over the course of three days or so.

I've had two different tests so far with zero results. (And for the smart asses in the crowd, that does not include an eeg.) The first was an ultrasound, then today I had a colonoscopy. The doctor I had couldn't decide whether he wanted to be a barber or a proctologist, so he flipped a coin to see if it was heads or -- never mind.

The worst thing they could find in the 'scope was diverticulosis, which is sort of pre-diverticulitis, which would not account for the location, duration or intensity of the pain I had experienced. So in other words, the lab rat gets to run some more mazes. I'm hoping the next few involve considerably fewer laxatives.

Friday, March 28, 2008

King Pong

Once upon a time I was a pretty decent table tennis player. At one time or another I was my state's junior (under 18) and Over 40 state champion. Not simultaneously, of course.

I have not played in a number of years due to a knee that is roughly three times the age of any other part of me. I haven't even touched a paddle since, oh, 2004. I also used to be a pretty good coach - sanctioned by the US governing body for table tennis and everything. I still have the card to prove it: says "Certified Coach" right on the damn thing.

Why do I bring this up? A voice (or, more to the point, a keyboard) from the past contacted me the other day. We had corresponded back in the day. He wanted some ideas for promoting his club. (I still need to get back to him on that...)

In the course of the conversation he mentioned a specific style of play with which he had trouble. I asked a few questions and gave him some advice. He came back yesterday, ecstatic. He had beaten some players he had never beaten before, using my advice. So without ever seeing him or his opponents play, based on a couple of lines of chat, I was able to successfully coach him.

The kid's still got it!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

A hole in the bucket

I rarely remember my dreams, but I (sort of) remember my last dream last night. I composed two songs. One was a pop ballad, and the other was a peppy little dance number. They might even have been good. The problem is...I don't remember them!

For those of you who know about dreams, you know that if you don't record the details really quickly, they tend to fade. Fast.

So but for the aid of a recording device, I might be the next Gamble and/or Huff. Or Chapman and/or Chinn. Or Mann and/or Weil. Or Goffen and/or King. Or John and/or Taupin. Or Jagger and/or Richards. Or Boyce and/or Hart. Or Bacharach and/or David. Or Gibb and/or Gibb and/or Gibb (but not Gibb).*








*But never Lennon and/or McCartney, or Dylan. First of all, who could be? Second, those comparisons are the kiss of death. The only person to survive the curse of being called "The New Dylan" is Springsteen, and I think his latest album title explains how he did it.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

...but can I handle it?

A friend has been having some "life issues" lately. He contacted me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to a magic lecture on Saturday. I felt obliged to accept. We haven't seen each other for a bit and I'd like to see him, and I'd also like to provide some moral support if necessary.

It will, however, be the first time I have shown up in a gathering of magicians in a long time. The last couple of times I tried I left feeling vaguely...dirty, and, well, ashamed to be a magician. In fact, I gave up that moniker (if I had ever earned it) based on those meetings and feelings.

Wish me luck.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Too late

I think it was Julian Lennon who sang
Now it's much too late
For goodbye

My father-in-law died late last night. We'll be leaving in a few minutes to get with family and to help make funeral arrangements.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Nearing the end

My father-in-law is in the hospital and they have stopped all treatment for the leukemia. Nothing is helping any more: not the weekly blood transfusions; not the chemo; nada. He can't swallow very well so his diet is pretty much liquids, ice cream and Jell-O.

I'm taking a couple of days off of work next week. My wife and I will be driving up to say our goodbyes some time this weekend.

I wish I could end on a hopeful or pithy or poignant note, but I got nuthin'.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

10 things i've done that you probably haven't

Apparently this sort of thing is getting around on some blogs, so here I go:

1. Played in the National Table Tennis Championships (and came that close to beating a nationally ranked player).

2. Met Penn. Talked to Teller!

3. Been published in both fiction and nonfiction.

4. Performed stand-up comedy for money.

5. Participated in a Vietnam antiwar rally (I was an 11 year old radical).

6. Got my college degree about 21 years after my first college course.

7. Reaffirmed my atheism approximately two months after joining a church.

8. Got high school p.e. credit for trampoline.

9. Once went for three consecutive days without eating (believe me, it wasn't intentional).

10. On an entrance exam to an alternative high school, outscored the history teacher on the history exam.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

And another fine yuletide has passed

Christmas suckage continues unabated. We visited my wife's parents. Her dad is so sick he can't get from one room to another on his own, and we doubt he will last much longer. Her mom is too weak to take care of him. Both are too stubborn (that's not the word I want to use) to see that by leaving things as they are, they are:
A. putting my wife's father in even graver (is that a word?) danger than he's already in, and
B. putting an incredible strain on the remainder of the family, who are juggling resources they don't have to attempt to accommodate a situation that allows no accommodation.

My birthday, you ask? Why thanks for asking. We spent it on the road, driving our way into the morass mentioned above.

Merry blah blah blah, peace on blah blah, goodwill to...oh, sod off. I can't even fake it.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Better Man (reprise)

Tomorrow is my birthday; one I share with, among others, Eddie Vedder (the day, not the year).

How old am I? If you're into magic, tomorrow I'll be the Queen of Spades in Simon Aronson's stack. If you're not into magic, I will be the hexagram "Welling," or "The Well" in the I Ching

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Sick

I had severe stomach cramps this weekend. I ended up going to a McClinic, where the diagnosis was...undefined.

They ended up giving me medicine for the symptoms (fairly standard medical practice) and want me to get an MRI to rule out gall bladder issues. The medicine has me loopy, killing the many plans I had for the weekend - though the stomach cramps effectively did that anyway.

Heck, maybe I'll be this year's holiday casualty.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Can't find a better man

Zenobia, Queen of Palmyra
Louis I, Duke of Bavaria
Thomas Smith, English diplomat and scholar (d. 1577)
King John III of Sweden (d. 1592)
Severo Bonini, Italian composer (d. 1663)
Martin Opitz von Boberfeld, German poet (d. 1639)
Carl Gustaf Wrangel, Swedish soldier (d. 1676)
Edmund Berry Godfrey, English magistrate (d. 1678)
Heneage Finch, 1st Earl of Nottingham, Lord Chancellor of England (d. 1682)
Joseph Bodin de Boismortier, French composer (d. 1755)
Richard Arkwright, English industrialist and inventor (d. 1792)
Ippolit Bogdanovich, Russian poet (d. 1803)
King Frederick Augustus I of Saxony (d. 1827)
Tsar Alexander I of Russia (d. 1825)
Jean François Champollion, French Egyptologist (d. 1832)
Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve, French literary critic (d. 1869)
Joseph Smith, Jr., American founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (d. 1844)
Jan Jakob Lodewijk ten Kate, Dutch poet and clergyman (d. 1889)
Wilhelm Bauer, German engineer (d. 1875)
Richard Conner, American Civil War Medal of Honor Recipient (d. 1924)
Henry B. Guppy, British botanist (d. 1926)
Zorka of Montenegro, Princess of Serbia (d. 1890)
Madam C.J. Walker, American philanthropist and tycoon(d. 1919)
Stephen Timoshenko, Ukrainian-born mechanical engineer (d. 1972)
Pierre Brissaud, French artist (d. 1964)
Alexandr Rodchenko, Russian painter and photographer (d. 1956)
Otto Soglow, American comics artist (d. 1975)
Norman Maclean, American author (d. 1990)
Avraham Stern, Polish-born Zionist leader (d. 1942)
Yousuf Karsh, Turkish-born, Canadian portrait photographer (d. 2002)
Niels Kaj Jerne, English-born immunologist, recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine (d. 1994)
James Gregory, American actor (d. 2002)
Helmut Schmidt, Chancellor of Germany
José Greco, Italian-born flamenco dancer (d. 2001)
Guy Beaulne, French Canadian actor and theatre director (d. 2001)
Micheline Ostermeyer, French athlete and musician (d. 2001)
Günther Schifter, Austrian music journalist
Claudio Scimone, Italian conductor
James Stockdale, U.S. Navy admiral (d. 2005)
Onofre Marimón, Argentine racing driver (d. 1954)
Robert Bly, American poet
Chronis Aidonidis, Greek singer
Chet Baker, American jazz trumpet player (d. 1988)
Ronnie Schell, American actor
Akihito, Emperor of Japan
Paul Hornung, American football player
Esther Phillips, American singer (d. 1984)
Frederic Forrest, American actor
Barney Rosenzweig, American television producer
Bob Kahn, American Internet pioneer
Jorma Kaukonen, American musician
Robert Labine, former mayor of old city of Gatineau, Quebec
Eugene Record, American singer (The Chi-Lites) (d. 2005)
Tim Hardin, American musician (d. 1980)
John Peterman, American fashion designer
Mikhail Gromov, Russian-born mathematician
Harry Shearer, American actor
Ron Allen, baseball player
Elizabeth Hartman, American actress (d. 1987)
Silvia Sommerlath, Queen of Sweden
Wesley Clark, U.S. general and NATO Supreme Allied Commander
Ron Bushy, American drummer (Iron Butterfly)
Edita Gruberova, Slovak operatic soprano
Susan Lucci, American actress
Heikki Lahtinen, Finnish race walker
Jack Ham, American football player
Adrian Belew, American musician
Michael C. Burgess, American politician
Ilchi Lee, Korean educator and author
Anthony Phillips, British guitarist (Genesis)
William Kristol, American political commentator
Dave Murray, English guitarist (Iron Maiden)
Michele Alboreto, Italian Formula one driver (d. 2001)
Dan Bigras, Canadian singer
Trisha Goddard, English television presenter
Victoria Williams, American singer
Joan Severance, American actress
Geoff Willis, British engineer
Carol Smillie, British television personality
Keiji Muto, Japanese professional wrestler
Bertrand Gachot, Belgian racing driver
Jim Harbaugh, American football player
Donna Tartt, American author
Eddie Vedder, American musician (Pearl Jam)
Carla Bruni, Italian-French model, songwriter and singer
Martha Byrne, American actress
Catriona LeMay Doan, Canadian speed skater
Raymont Harris, American football player
Corey Haim, Canadian actor
Masayoshi Yamazaki, Japanese singer-songwriter
Michalis Klokidis, Greek footballer
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, British socialite
Agustín Delgado, Ecuadorian footballer
Sky Lopez, American actress
Vadim Sharifijanov, Russian ice hockey player
Brad Lidge, American baseball player
Dimitris Mavrogenidis, Greek footballer
Jamie Noble, American professional wrestler
Alge Crumpler, American football player
Jari Mäenpää, Finnish guitarist and singer
Paul Shirley, American basketball player
Andra Davis, American football player
Esthero, Canadian musician and singer
Jodie Marsh, British pornographic model
Víctor Martínez, Venezuelan baseball player
Estella Warren, Canadian model and actress
Summer Altice, American model and actress
Scott Gomez, American ice hockey player
Beth, Spanish singer
Michael Chopra, English footballer
Hanley Ramírez, Dominican baseball player
Harry Judd, British drummer (McFly)
Luke O'Loughlin, Australian actor
Eri Kamei, Japanese singer
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle, American actress, model, and singer

Sunday, November 25, 2007

And what do the holidays mean to *you*?

My best friend from high school died a few days before New Years Day a few years ago.

One of my parents died in November, the other in December a year later.

Warren Zevon died in September of 2003 (close enough).

My grandmother died in early January.

What are the holidays to me? A death watch. Whose turn is it this time?

Merry freakin' Christmas.