"Hello. I'm Tiger Woods.
I'm the best in the world at what I do. Because of that, I'm going to pretend it's normal that the world throws obscene amounts of money at me. The world, in turn, is going to pretend it's perfectly OK to examine my life under a microscope, hashing and rehashing details so mundane they wouldn't make page 6 in the Podunk Gazette, then pondering, speculating and outright fabricating stuff they missed in the microscope.
And by mutual consent the world and I are going to pretend that this relationship isn't batshit crazy.
Love and bruises,