Where's Fall Out Boy?

Friday morning I became Nuclear Man. I had radiation injected into my veins. I'm having the same thing done tomorrow at 6 am. Traumatizing, I know. Not the nuclear part; the part about 6 am.

I've been having some symptoms that scare my family physician a bit: shortness of breath, occasional chest pain, stuff like that. Plus I have nearly every risk factor in the book. I'm overweight, diabetic, with a horrible family history of heart disease. All I need to do is take up smoking and I run the table.

The doctor is kind of a character. He walked in, introduced himself, then said, "We both know how we're going to die, don't we? Heart attack or cancer." Turns out he's diabetic too. He did go on to say that we want to delay these options as long as possible. I like the guy.

So after Friday where I was stripped, poked, prodded, ultrasounded, placed on a treadmill, injected with radioactive material and scanned, I have to do the nuclear thing again in six hours.

Oh, and I had a good guitar lesson today.

Random stuff

I wrote a second song, this time an instrumental. My guitar teacher and I really deconstructed it, going over what worked what didn't, and why. I learned a ton about music and songwriting from this. It was revelatory. And loads of fun to boot.

My primary care physician has some concerns about my health, so he wants me to get a cardiac stress test and a pulmonary function test. I've already met with the cardiologist for the preliminaries. he seems like a great guy. I hope my bum knee can hold out for the cardio stress test. :)

In an odd turn of events, I'm giving a lecture to the local magic group. I know. I don't know how it happened either. I think someone drugged my drink. I'll be speaking on the life and times of Theodore John Squires/Ted Anneman/Ted Annemann. The man had more names than I have health issues.

I now have more responsibilities at work, and it's stuff I enjoy doing. Now if it just meant more pay...

The Stranger

I look at other people, then I look at myself, and I make this observation: I'm odd.

Why do I think I'm odd, you ask? Good question. Well, first off, I look at other people, then I look at myself, and I try to determine what is odd and what is not from that observation. That's odd. But there's more.

Let's take my hobbies. ("Take my hobbies, please!") I played competitive table tennis for more than 30 years until I had a knee blow out. And when I coached table tennis players I mostly coached wheelchair players, even though I never used a wheelchair.

OK, who plays competitive table tennis? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller? And how the heck did I decide to coach wheelchair players? And why am I mixing pronouns all over the place in this blog entry?

Next up: magic. I even worked as a professional magician for a very short time. Magic is, by its very nature, strange. One works very hard to develop skills so that one looks like one has no skills to display. Magic attracts some odd cats. And consider; as a magician, one's job is to convine folks that the impossible is happening. Granted, not very many magicians achieve that goal, or even know it's the goal to be achieved, but there you are.

I have also written and performed stand-up comedy. I've even sold some of the stuff I've written. OK, now the quirks are getting serious.

I'm also into origami. Yep, that weird stuff where you take a piece of paper and fold it into some vaguely recognizable shape. And I'm not just into the folding part, or the end result, I love the process, and the mathematics behind it. (That's right: I'm also a math geek. I read math books for fun.)

Music kind of sums up the oddity that is me in many ways. Love music of all sorts, including stuff that to many people barely classifies as music. I'm as likely to listen to Jim Pepper as I am to Bach as I am to OutKast as I am to George Harrison as I am to Antony and the Johnsons as I am to Animal Collective as I am to Gregorian chants as I am to Phil Ochs as I am to Milla etc. One of the ways I purchase music works like this: I walk into a place that sells music, go up to the first sales person I see, and ask them what they would listen to if they could put anything on right now. My rule is if it's in the store and I don't own it, I must buy it. It keeps me from getting in a musical rut, and I've found some terrific music that way. If they ask what I like, I tell them that's not the point.

I like horror movies, action films and chick flicks. Oh, and cartoons. I love cartoons.

Other oddities: I still marvel that we have less sunlight as we approach winter and more as we approach summer. I love watching familiar shadows creep various distances as the seasons change.

One time on a trip I suddenly burst into tears. When my wife asked what was the matter I explained that I had the sudden feeling that every blade of grass (pointing to the prairie outside our window) was my friend.

I don't watch much television but I have a lot of information about current programs because I'm always reading - either magazines or internet articles.

I form attachments much easier with children and animals than I do with adults. However, I don't want any children of my own.

I'm very precise with my own communication, but accepting of imprecision in others'. I select words with a care that sometimes borders on OCD. I'll worry over minute shades of meaning, struggling to convey what I want to say. Sometimes this makes me sound pompous. It's not intended.

I'll become fascinated by random subjects. I'll research them, collect articles, find online communities, and generally immerse myself. One such recent fascination is autism. Interest in autism has changed my perspective on a number of subjects, some only tangentially related.

Anyway, take all of those things and more (I didn't list some of the weirder ones such as my thing with Wesson Oil, baby snakes, and BBs), and you end up with one strange dude.

I dare you to disagree.

Video killed the radio star

My opinion matters!

My wife and I have, for the past week, been providing information regarding our radio listening habits via an Arbitron questionnaire. For those of you not familiar with Arbitron, it's the radio version of television's Nielsen ratings. It's used for bragging rights and to set ad rates for the quarter, among other things.

I noticed something that shouldn't surprise anyone: being "watched" changes my behavior. Normally, when I listen to the radio (mostly in my car) I'll flip through stations willy-nilly searching for something I want to hear. However, now that Big Brother is watching (and because I'm lazy but honest), I stay pretty much on my favorite station(s) or just listen to a CD.

I'm curious if Mr. 'tron takes that into account when compiling his ratings.


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Side note: My company just went through a round of layoffs. I survived but many did not. There is relief mixed with stress and sorrow. Things are going to be in turmoil for a while.

Reeling in the years

Tomorrow (23 December) is my birthday. As is my annual tradition, I shall remind everyone that I share that birth date (though not the year - he's older) with Eddie Vedder, among others.

As is also my tradition, I shall reveal my age via an old (also older than I am) fortune telling/philosophical system. This year I am Ko - the Revolution hexagram in I Ching.

Alas, using this system I have no chance of any changing lines, and thus no opportunity to become any younger (or, fortunately, older).

Feel free to interpret my hexagram and any associated trigrams. I need all the help I can get.

Can't buy me vocal lessons

OK, maybe I can. Point is, I may need 'em. My guitar teacher sent me an odd email this morning. He asked if I'd ever tried to sing "Can't Buy Me Love" by The Beatles. I replied that indeed I have sung along with that song, as I am a Beatles fan and enjoy that one. His reply? He's planning on recording it and wants to know if I want to do vocals.

Whoa...hold the train.

As you may have noticed in the link above, he has a tendency, when he says "record," to mean, "store digitally and upload to YouTube." (The piece he is playing, "Time Odyssey," is his original composition I saw him play live with a band - a rhythm guitarist, bassist and drummer. It is terrific.)

Now it's interesting enough that he wants my voice recorded for posterity. But video?! And he knows what I sound and look like. While neither is anything to write home about, of the two, my voice is definitely prettier than my looks. Let's just say I don't shop in the skinny side of the store, and it has been explained to me that due to my rather generous size, I don't have the same clothing options as most of the world.

So what's a body to do? I love to sing, but to be recorded? And maybe put out on YouTube? I won't even put my picture on any of my (numerous) blogs due to the ostracism I get from friend and foe for my looks.

So naturally I said yes.

Geekdom v2.0

I finally see some progress in guitar. I've learned a couple of really nice blues riffs that allow me to improvise, and I'm learning a song by George Harrison - one of my all-time favorite artists!

I've noticed some major differences between music (at least the amateur side of it) and my previous obsession: magic. First, there are canonical methods for learning music. With guitar, for example, you start by learning a few basic (open) chords, then you learn some scales - usually starting with pentatonic, but that probably varies by teacher. You then practice various scales, including chromatic scales just to learn how things sound up and down the neck of the guitar. Then you start putting things together, and learning how rhythm and melody fit into the mix.

In magic there really aren't any such methods, with a couple of exceptions. Mostly it's haphazard: learn a trick here, a couple more there, get a business card, turn pro. :-)

Other differences are in the attitudes of the people I've run across. Magicians seem to be a whole lot of broken social misfits. And yes, if you're asking, I include myself squarely in the "broken social misfit" camp, if no longer in the magical one. Musicians, on the other hand, seem to be mostly more easygoing, with fewer neuroses. I'm not sure if it's the whole "soothes the savage breast" thing, or if music just attracts a different sort of person. In other words, I'm not sure if it's a cause or an effect.

Then again, before taking any of this too seriously, please look at the very top of this page and keep the blog title in mind.

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P.S.

Welcome to new reader and old friend Eve. Our email exchanges have been fun.

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P.P.S.

To paraphrase Paul's mother in Dune, it's interesting that I hold up a general garment and some claim it's cut to their fit.

November 5, 2008

Yay

I guess that make me the Antichrist too

I received an email today from a family member, a portion of which I'll reproduce:

1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by a Muslim male extremist.
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by Muslim male extremists.
3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by Muslim male extremists.
4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by Muslim male extremists.
5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by Muslim male extremists.

It then went on to list a number of similar incidents, then capped it all off with a reminder that Barack Obama is a male of Muslim descent, and a claim that

The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he will destroy everything.

I originally wasn't going to reply, but then I decided that, by being silent I was complicit in this utter nonsense. So I hit "reply to all" and tapped out my single sentence response:

"It usually doesn't make any difference to the type of people who send out these kinds of things, but given my preferences, I would prefer not to receive any more of this racist crap."

Am I qualified to be president?

Who are these people who want to lower the standard to lead the free world? I'm talking about the people who think it's a good thing to be "one of the common people"?

Look at history, and those we have considered to be great presidents. Every one, every single one, has been smarter, wealthier, and better educated than the average citizen. To belabor a point, I'll repeat it again: EVERY SINGLE ONE has been smarter, wealthier, and better educated than the average citizen. Sure, Abe Lincoln started out poor, but considering the standard of living of the time, he did better than most.

While it is admirable to strive to do your best at whatever you do, there are certain fields with higher expectations and greater responsibilities. We expect our health care professionals to adhere to a higher standard of excellence than we do, for example, our megastore greeters.

There has been talk this election over who is an elitist and who is most like "you and me." To borrow words from a website I recently read, elitism isn't a bug, it's a feature. From http://atheistexperience.blogspot.com/:

...I see elitism as nothing more than a dirty word people have attached to something that ought to be considered a noble goal: the pursuit of excellence rather than mediocrity in all walks of life, whether personal, professional, intellectual, artistic, or otherwise. After all, what can you be, if not an elitist, other than an advocate of mediocrity? Frankly I think there's far too much mediocrity in the world.

I think that [some] have allowed themselves to be sold the negative definition of elitism, which is that it's a bad thing practiced only by snobs who think they're better than you. Mediocrities want you to accept that definition of elitism, because it gives them a name with which to dismiss people who are simply more informed or better capable of defending their ideas in the court of public opinion (or anywhere) than they are.

Don't be fooled. Elitism is a good thing. Everybody alive ought to be elitist. Having high standards is to be admired, not disdained.

Here's the thing: ordinary folks are great. Some of my best friends are ordinary folks. I have friends that are hairdressers and accountants and guitar players and magicians and computer programmers and such, and they're great people. Heck, I think I'm pretty good people. But I don't think there's a single one of us "Joe Six-packs" that's qualified to be president (or vice president). Not even close. And on a similar note, many of those "elitist" presidents of the past were ones who passed some of our greatest legislation, and seemed to be some of our greatest communicators.

So where is it stated that the toughest job in the world, in one of the toughest economic times in my lifetime, should be run by "just plain folks"? Wouldn't you rather have an elitist? I know I would.

Different Drum - er, Guitar

So I was at one of my guitar lessons and my teacher asked if I still wanted to trade guitars. He has several, and he was going to sell one on eBay, but it was one I happened to really like. In fact I had joked one time about swapping with him. Well, here he was, making the offer.

So I have a guitar with much easier action than my old one, and I'm really liking it.

Guitar progress

I'm moving along on learning guitar. I've learned that the experts are right: playing an electric is easier than playing an acoustic. Also, if you set the distortion to "kill" then it's hard for anyone to tell if you've hit a wrong note. :)

I can play some of the dreaded barre chords now, and along with some pentatonic and ionian scales I'm actually learning a song.

My recommendation? Don't wait until you're forty-mumble to learn to play guitar.

Goodbye to another friend

The details that I have are sketchy, but one of my mentors in magic died this morning.

Jim Smithson was a kind and funny man, a good husband, and he made a lot of people smile. There are a heck of a lot worse things you can do with your life.

I don't believe Mr. Smithson is going to a better (or, for that matter, a worse) place, but at least he is done with the pain.

(ir)Rationalization

But I'm not the only one. Even if I quit it won't make any difference.

The above can apply to murder, extortion, tax evasion, copying magic books, burning a CD or DVD that isn't yours, or stealing a line from another performer.

Just because some of the behaviors are less wrong doesn't make any of them right.

For those of you who might need a laugh

As I had posted previously, one of my guitar teachers gave me an assignment to write a song. Because I'm a masochist at heart (and in various other organs) I've decided to post the lyrics.

The song was inspired by my niece. I had just returned from watching her graduate from high school.

So here, without further ado, is "Rebecca's Song":

[Verse]
I rem-em-ber you
When you were just two
And we got to-ge-ther at Grand-ma's pla-ce

I rem-em-ber when
You had just turned ten
And you smiled around that stick-y ice cream fa-ce

[Refrain]
Look at her she is all grown now
Ready to be out on her own now
No longer just a cute young girl now
A fine young woman here to take on the world

[Verse]
And then at fif-teen
Has it on-ly been
Thir-ty six short months since I saw you la-st?

How the time goes by
And some-times I cry
When I re-a-lize good-byes come so fa-st

[Bridge]
You were al-ways there
I was al-ways here
Kept a-part by miles
Swept a-part by years
But I don't have to be stand-ing near you
Be-cause my heart can al-ways he-ar you

[Refrain]
Look at her she is all grown now
Ready to be out on her own now
No longer just a cute young girl now
A fine young woman here to take on the world

Well, I did it...

...I wrote my song.














And in the tradition of most first songs, it sucks.

...or maybe I *will* be the next Boyce and/or Hart

So my next assignment, from one of my two guitar teachers, is to (you guessed it) write a song. I now know just enough musical theory to be thoroughly dangerous.

I'm going to get a little help. I plan on buying a program called Guitar Pro that will help me play my composition as it develops. I may even pen some lyrics. If I get brave and adventuresome I could possibly even post a midi where people could listen.

Oh, btw, the lesson is to make the verses sort of sad and the chorus "epic". I'm thinking "All By Myself" meets "Bohemian Rhapsody." With a bridge reminiscent of a portion of "Toccata and Fugue In D Minor." Except in C.

Mentalism and movies - I disclaim the connection

I have heard far too many mentalists* brush off the use of disclaimers** with a statement like this:
"What if an actor came onscreen at the beginning of the movie and told you that he was just an actor and wasn't really the character he played, and the whole thing you were about to watch was just a story. Wouldn't that hurt your enjoyment of the movie?"

I've heard/read that statement or similar from people too numerous to mention. You'd think that an avocation as seemingly creative as mentalism would come up with different agruments (it's like all of the creative geniuses who use "out of the box" to describe creative thinking). However, my bigger argument with this is that it doesn't hold. The analogy just isn't there. Why not? Let's explore.

Who goes to movies? Most everyone. Who knows about movies? The number increases. There are magazines and websites devoted to movies, and to the various components thereof (actors, special effects, etc). A good chunk of these magazines and websites cater to the general populace. Actors are interviewed on tv and in print. (Which would, in a sense, be a version of a disclaimer: "See? I'm not really Iron Man.") In short, there is a cultural understanding about the nature of movies and how they work.

Now let's take mentalism. ("Take my mentalist, please!") Who goes to see a mentalism show? A small number of people. Who goes to see a GOOD mentalism show? That number shrinks. Considerably. And while there are websites and publications that deal with the intricacies of mentalism, the vast majority don't cater to the general public. In fact, the average person on the street is much more likely to have heard/heard of/seen Jonathan Edward, Sylvia Browne or Allison DuBois than Max Maven, Banachek or
Derren Brown. This means that the cultural expectation for those who deal in psychic phenomenon is that one is either
a. real, or
b. a big old slimy fraud
depending on one's perceptions of the aforementioned Edward, Browne, and DuBoise.

While I agree that it may be bad theater to tip your hand prior to the show, I think many take it too far. To extend the analogy, it doesn't lessen my enjoyment of the Indiana Jones movies to see an interview with Harrison Ford, where he tells us that in his next film he will play a completely different character.

I know there are people who are going to believe no matter what. After one of my own shows I had a lady call me and ask if I could tell her where her missing opera tickets were. But guess what. Even with the cultural knowledge regarding movies, there are some people who believe them. Watch the documentary "Trekkies" to see some examples. Or check out the number of people who have listed "Jedi" as their religious affiliation. Just because I think some people are deluded doesn't mean I have to feed the delusion.

I know I won't convince many to change their tune here, just as their "argument" doesn't convince me. If anything, though, I'd like them to take a look at that hoary "but what if an actor..." analogy that so many use and see it for the straw man it really is.

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* For the uninitiated: a "mentalist" is an entertainer who specializes in the theatrical pretense of psychic abilities.

** A "disclaimer" is an acknowledgement that one is indeed not a real psychic.

Masochism Tango

Guitar lessons have been tough; I feel like I haven't had enough time to practice, and that I haven't progressed fast enough (fast enough for what, smart guy?) and I'm getting a bit frustrated.

So if one feels overwhelmed by what one is doing, and feels pressured by too little time to do it, what's the obvious move? Why, get a second guitar teacher, of course!

That's right, music fans, I now have (count 'em) two people giving me too many lessons to tax my already stressed-out brain and fingers.

Stay tuned for the Pete Townshend finale.

Katie Barre The Door

I have hit my first major guitar stumbling block: barre chords. I've got fairly small (and apparently fairly weak) hands, and they just don't want to stretch to those positions just yet.

My instructor gave me my first song to learn last week - Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone" - and one of the first chords in that sucker is an F#m, which is (you guessed it) a barre chord. It opens with an A, which was new but not too difficult, then an E, which I already knew, then our unpleasant little friend. I've twisted the guitar and my body and my hands, all so far to no avail.

So how to get past this dilemma? I'm thinking ukulele.